Process or Product?

A few years ago, when I was a school counselor at an elementary school, my dear friend was the art teacher.  We found an Art Therapy workshop and somehow convinced our boss to let us go to this workshop together.  

To be honest, I thought I’d learn a new technique or two that I could bring back to my practice but I was mostly excited about going on this trip with my BFF.  Two busy moms going out of town to learn about something fun…it was the closest thing to a vacation I could imagine at the time!

When we arrived at the workshop, the first thing I noticed was ALL of the materials.  She wasn’t just going to tell us about techniques we could use…we were going to DO them!  I hadn’t really thought this through.  I was going to be doing art projects…therapeutic ones at that…next to an amazing artist.  Noooooo!  All of my insecurities about my abilities in art surfaced at once.  

I had been so blinded by the idea of a fun getaway that it had never occurred to me what the workshop would look like in action.  I thought she would be telling us about art therapy techniques.  Of course, she’s going to demonstrate and WE are the participants.

This wasn’t the first time (or last) that my tunnel vision completely ignored some of the more obvious facts of a situation.  

But…too late!  We were there!

We did talk about the history and benefits of creating art.  We learned about how creative expression of emotions can have the power to pull someone through hard times, trauma, and transitions in life.  I could geek out on this all day.  It’s truly fascinating.

As we began to create for ourselves…depictions of our values, emotional states, and more…our trainer shared something that completely shifted something inside of me.  Before I tell you about it, I want to tell you about my insecurity around creating art.

I LOVED art when I was a kid.  For a while, I kept a notebook of dress designs that I would one day unveil at New York Fashion week.  My cousin and I were creative and always making things.  I never thought twice about whether or not I was a good artist or not.  I just had fun creating.

Then, one day in 4th grade art class,  I was having so much fun drawing aliens and shading craters on the planet Mars.  I looked at my drawing and thought to myself, “This is the BEST drawing I have EVER done!”  Wondering if anyone else had seen my work and felt the same, I looked around.  I saw the drawing Evan had done.  That’s when I realized that I actually wasn’t a great artist.  Evan’s work was 10 levels above what I had done…my BEST drawing.  If I had 50 more years to work on this project, it wouldn’t be that good.  It was one of those gut punch moments.  I felt the sting of this realization very deeply.  I was bad at art.  Quietly, I hid my drawing and took a mental note…my days of art were over.

Thirty years later, sitting next to my friend who was a professional artist, the idea of doing art that someone else might see was intimidating.  I began to regret my decision.  Until…

As our instructor talked about the benefits of doing art in therapy.  For one, it can give us a way to express our emotions when we don’t have the words.  It’s also a great way to process those emotions.  But she shared one idea that completely unraveled the way I thought of myself as an artist.  

She said that there are two reasons to do art: Product and Process.  Most people think about the final product when they think about art.  However, in art therapy, we focus on the process.  The process of creating, trying something, giving expressions and containers to your feelings is POWERFUL.  And all on its own, the process is a perfectly great reason to do art.

Without the pressure of creating a masterpiece, I could actually enjoy doing art again.  I realized that all along, it was always the process that I enjoyed the most.  The process was the reason for doing the art.  Focusing too much on the outcome had stolen my joy from something that I loved.  

Since then, I have created all kinds of art.  No one buys it and mostly, no one sees it.  That’s not the point.  It’s the PROCESS.  She gave me such a gift that day and I’m trying now to let that lesson trickle into other areas of my life.  

What if we all gave ourselves permission to create and be creative?  To try something new without so much focus on the outcome?  

When was the last time you allowed yourself the freedom of imperfection to experience the joy of the moment? 

You deserve the joy and peace you desire!  I’m cheering you on!

Much Love,

Stacey