Help! My Empathy is Exhausting!
Mar 10, 2023
Last week, I asked you what topics you'd like for me to explore here in the newsletter and BOY did you deliver!
There are so many great ones that you shared and I really appreciate your feedback!
This week, I am diving right in to one of those topics. Mainly because this topic in particular came up multiple times.
I know empathy is good but sometimes I get overwhelmed by other's stress and feelings. How do I find balance? How can I care without burning out?
Now, you may be thinking that I'm going to suggest that you set some boundaries and then learn to assert those to others...especially those closest to you.
While, that ISN'T a bad idea, I believe there is something else at play as well. It may be that you should use empathy a little less.
I know, that sounds cold and harsh but stay with me for a minute and I believe this will make sense.
Empathy is joining in the suffering of others who suffer. Neuroimaging shows that the same areas of the brain are activated as if WE ARE EXPERIENCING THE SUFFERING. You are actually living through the same emotions as the other person. This isn't always a bad thing, but as you can imagine, it isn't sustainable when you are faced with lots of people going through difficult situations.
Instead, try activating COMPASSION instead. Many of us use the words empathy and compassion interchangeably but they are measurably different in our brains.
According to the National Institutes of Health, "compassion activates dopaminergic reward and oxytocin-related affiliative processes". Which means compassion actually makes you feel better, not worse.
Then, the real question is HOW do you make that shift? And the answer is actually really simple.
Empathy is passive, Compassion is active.
So, if you want to switch your brain from empathy (diving in and feelling their feelings) to compassion (sensing their feelings and taking action) you can ask yourself this question?
How can I help?
Helping may mean just offering a listening ear. Helping may mean giving some advice. Helping may mean connecting the person with a resource for ongoing support. It doesn't have to be LARGE acts. Maybe there isn't anything immediate that you can do. Remember, listening (TRULY LISTENING) can be one of the greatest gifts you give to someone.
And if there is truly NOTHING you can do...practice letting go.
Yes, I know that these are simple practices in theory but take work to master. But would you agree that the effort is worth it?
I would. Especially since many of us face so much negativity and are exposed to the suffering of others so frequently. It's important to protect and manage our own energy, emotions and brains in order to do our best and ultimately GIVE our best!