Ever Feel Stuck?

One of the hidden causes (or maybe signs) of anxiety is something I never hear anyone talk about.

It’s one of those things that is sometimes hard to identify the start and end.  Like a chicken or egg situation.

It’s feeling stuck.

We can feel stuck in all kinds of situations.  A toxic work environment.  An unhealthy relationship.  Poor health habits.  

We KNOW that we are in the wrong place.  We KNOW that we need to get out.  We say that we want to get out or make a change.  Maybe we even try but somehow end up in the exact same place. 

When you’re in a place that you don’t want to be and/or it’s not good for you, but you don’t see a way out, you feel stuck.

Being stuck can feel helpless and sometimes hopeless.  Anxiety grows here because we carry a lot of cognitive dissonance.  Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we feel in our brains when our behaviors don’t align with our beliefs.  

One example might be this: You know that your job isn’t good for your mental health but you have a degree in that field and don’t see another option.  The dissonance grows and your anxiety grows.  As your anxiety grows, it gets harder to see a way out.  It becomes a vicious cycle.  Not leaving makes you feel more anxious AND feeling more anxious makes it hard to leave.  

To be clear, there are challenging situations that we can’t avoid.  A loss, a family member’s serious illness, your own illness, etc.  The strategies for these storms are different. 

In the case where you feel stuck and you know that you need a change, and change is possible (even if it’s difficult).  Here are the basic steps you need to make change so you can get back to feeling free, to feeling like yourself, to feeling joy & peace.

#1: Awareness: Now that you know the word for it, recognize your cognitive dissonance.  You’ve identified the problem and you know that it’s possible to make a change.  It’s ok if you don’t know how just yet.  That’s not important in this first step.

#2: Clarity-  It’s important to get really honest about what’s not working for you and then to get really clear about what you DO want.  We can’t create a map if we don’t know where we’re going.  It’s fine to make a list of the problems as long as you then use that to create a list of desired outcomes.  Allow yourself the luxury of making the list of your desires without filtering (this won’t work, it’s too much to ask, this is silly, why am I so greedy).  Just make this list as if you’re 9 years old.

#3: Action: THIS ONE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.  This is how we break that cycle.  If you feel stuck and anxiety prevents action, it perpetuates.  Make your first action step so simple, so tiny that it’s easy for you to do.  Don’t worry about the big picture.  This one tiny little action is helping to shift your brain from victim to hero.  From frozen to action-taker.  Get it?  

Here’s a couple of examples, if it’s your work and you feel that you need to leave. 

Update your resume to reflect something you think you’d like to do.  You don’t have to send it to anyone if you’re not ready.  See how it feels to update it.  Hopeful? Joyful?  Does it make you feel proud of your accomplishments?  Great!

OR- write out a letter of resignation.  Again, it doesn’t have to be seen by anyone.  Writing it will give you clues.  Does it feel like freedom?  What do you want to say that you’ve been holding back?

The important thing is to take some action that will give your brain a sense of movement in the right direction.  You can use that small momentum to build on later.  If we try to move the whole wall at once, we may give up.  But brick by brick, it will get done.  

Your joy and your peace are worth it.  

So, tell me.  Have you ever felt stuck?  How did you get out of that situation?  

If you’re stuck now, what tiny action can you take to get the ball rolling?  If you’re so stuck that you can’t get past step 1 or 2, reach out.  I’m happy to brainstorm with you!

You deserve the joy and peace you desire!  I’m cheering you on!

All my love,
Stacey