Are You An Imposter?

In college, I worked at the Limited at the mall.  It was one of many jobs I had but by far, it was the most glamorous.  I felt very much like the “city girl” I had always dreamed of being.  I had the new clothes and learned fancy things like “wardrobing”.  

One day, our regional manager came to the store to see how things were going.  She asked me, “How has it been this morning?”.  It was Saturday morning.  We had been open for an hour or two.  One person had walked in, glanced around and quickly left.  So, I told my manager, it had been slow. 

“Fake it til you make it.”, she said.  As she flipped her hair and continued to shuffle clothes around to help our store look better.  (bless our hearts!)

For the life of me, I could NOT figure out what she meant.  What was it she wanted me to say?  “Business is BOOMING!”?!? The conversation was so bizarre to me!  I couldn’t even begin to interpret what she had said…let alone know what I SHOULD have said.  What would a REAL city girl say?

The only conclusion I could find was that this was just evidence that I truly didn’t belong.  My stupid comment to my regional manager had outed me.  I wasn’t the city girl…I was a small town fool dressed up in clothes I couldn’t really afford.  I was embarrassed.  And I prayed that she didn’t ask me any more questions because I would have no idea how to respond.  

I felt like a complete fraud…an imposter!  I’d love to tell you that it was the only time in my life I felt this way but no, my friend, there were MANY more!

How many times have you stepped into a room, looked around and concluded that you didn’t belong, you didn’t deserve to be there, that everyone around you was more gifted, talented, more deserving?  Have you ever written down an award on your resume with a little tinge of guilt because you “knew” that it wasn’t as big of a deal as it sounded?  Do you judge yourself when you do something and it isn’t perfect?

It’s estimated that 70% of people will experience Imposter Syndrome at some moment in their life.  And if you need more proof, here’s a list of celebrities who have also experienced this particular self-doubt… Tina Fey, Maya Angelou, Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, Howard Shultz, Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga…and on and on!

Imposter Syndrome is closely related to anxiety.  And here’s how:  Imposter Syndrome is a very specific form of self-doubt and is often accompanied by anxiety, in which we fear that we aren’t good enough.  We aren’t worthy.  And that eventually, everyone else is going to find out what we have known all along.  We don’t belong. 

Imposter Syndrome is not a diagnosed condition.  It’s also something that you can improve over time.  

If you’ve felt imposter syndrome, here are a couple of ideas for moving through it…

#1 Gratitude: I know this sounds strange but if you are feeling imposter syndrome, it’s probably because of some level of success you have achieved or some opportunity that has shown up for you.  Try to reframe your thoughts to be grateful for this chance to be outside of your comfort zone. 

#2 Courage: We all have that glorified vision of bravery and courage from childhood.  But true courage is a bit messier since the reality is that you can’t express courage in situations that don’t scare you!  So, even if you are feeling like an imposter, don’t let it stop you from going for your dreams and goals.  The anxiety/fear will be reinforced if you allow it to stop you.  

#3 Try a Mirror: Not a real one.  Call a friend who will mirror back to you the reality.  We have all succeeded and we have all failed.  That’s called living.  Focusing only on the failures isn’t the truth!  A great friend will mirror back to you the reality of your successes but also the innate goodness in you that has nothing to do with success and accomplishments.

I hope this serves you if you’ve experienced any self-doubt on your way to reaching your goals.  And I hope that you don’t let those feelings stop you from shining your light and sharing YOUR own brand of brilliance!

You deserve the joy and peace you desire!  I’m cheering you on!

Much Love,

Stacey